Need a Happiness Boost? Talk to a Stranger. Really.
It’s Andy here today. Ann is in OurLittleCorner anxious to discuss anxiety.
I recently blogged about how word puzzles can bring us some happy moments in a world that seems hell bent on making us unhappy. But we can immerse ourselves in puzzles for only so long before we have to get back to life’s practicalities. Clearly, we need more options for sneaking a few additional moments of happiness into our harried lives. I’ve come across one option that seems to fit the bill — talking to strangers.
This option occurred to me when listening to an NPR interview with University of Chicago Professor Nicholas Epley about his new book, A Little More Social. His research expertise is all about the social benefits of engaging with strangers and he even suggests that talking to strangers could be a source of happiness. Of course I had to get his book to see how this all works. I’m happy I did.
Researchers have long known that socializing with family and friends is low-hanging fruit when it comes to finding happy moments. What Epley brings to the table is some solid evidence that socializing with strangers is an under-appreciated way to add some happiness to our daily lives — and it’s hiding right under our noses.
Somewhat surprisingly, Epley’s research has revealed that talking to strangers doesn’t brighten the day just for extroverts; introverts also find talking to strangers enjoyable: “The intuitive story that extroverts like connecting with other people while introverts don’t just isn’t supported by the evidence.”
Given that connecting with strangers can have such positive outcomes, the big question for Epley is why so many of us fail to make the seemingly simple effort to be “a little more social.” He devotes most of his book to exploring this question, suggesting that our hesitation to engage with strangers lies in our systematic (and erroneous) expectation that interacting with strangers will have negative outcomes. He goes on at length about how get people to overcome their reluctance to engage with strangers.
It’s notable that much of Epley’s research takes place in metropolitan areas where mingling with strangers is unavoidable. But what about those of us who don’t live in urban areas? Don’t we deserve equal access to the pursuit of happiness? Fortunately, I have figured out some sure-fire ways for creating stranger-engagement opportunities in less densely populated places like Glen Ellen : (1) get a dog, (2) use Craigslist, and (3) wait in lines.
Get a Dog
If you’ve followed our blog at all you know about our Cardigan Corgi, Wynn. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times she has sparked exchanges with strangers. (Editor’s note: the fact that she looks like a dog designed by a committee —consider her brindle coat, stubby legs, long body, big ears, bushy tail — may be an unfair advantage for attracting attention). A couple of examples of encounters with strangers Wynn and I have had recently illustrate my point:
- A PG&E guy who came to read our meter asked what kind of dog Wynn was (after she stopped barking at him). He then proceeded to tell me about his own dog that’s getting on in years and has been diagnosed with cancer. He shared with me his dilemma about whether to do an expensive surgery that may or may not succeed. We commiserated on how emotionally attached we become to our pets.
- On a walk in our local regional park Wynn and I came upon a couple sitting on a bench with two large dogs at their feet. While Wynn was checking out the two dogs, I learned from the couple that their dogs were “fire dogs.” They explained that they had found them as puppies in the aftermath of the wildfires that devastated much of Glen Ellen in 2017. We spent several minutes exchanging accounts of how those those fires affected us.
Use Craigslist
This may seem like an odd method to meet strangers, but after years of selling stuff on Craigslist I’ve come to realize that I get more pleasure from getting to know something about the people who show up than from the cash they bring. Take the man who drove out from Berkeley to buy the patio chairs (8 years old but in good condition) we posted on Craigslist . While I helped him load the chairs in the back of his Subaru Outback I learned that he was a hepatologist (which he explained is a liver doctor and then asked jokingly if I would have charged more for the chairs had I known he was a doctor). And then there was the woman who came to look at an upholstered chair (“comfortable and in great condition”) who turned out to be the director of a women’s shelter and was on a tight budget. I gave her the chair free.
Wait in Lines
This may seem even weirder than my Craigslist suggestion, but being part of a queue can provide the optimal opportunity to engage with strangers. Unfortunately, about the only line- waiting I do in Glen Ellen is at our local French bakery, Pascals. However, even when the line is short I have ample time to chat with those in front and behind me. Beyond exchanges about preferred pastries, strangers have told me about their travel plans, their grandchildren, their favorite tomatoes to grow in their gardens, and where they grew up. Of course, when traveling outside of Glen Ellen there are many more queuing options (think airports, Broadway plays, concerts, popular restaurants, and so on). And if you want to dramatically up your happiness level you might consider applying for a job at a line-waiting service such as Taskrabbit. Think of the unlimited opportunities to meet strangers (and to get paid for it to boot).
I hope you’ve found my suggestions to be useful. Maybe some day we can meet face to face and compare notes on strategies. In the mean time, don’t be a stranger.
