women’s soccer

We all know that the U.S. women’s national soccer team (USWNT ) failed to advance in the FIFA Women’s World Cup after being stunned by a loss to the Blågult  (Sweden’s team).  Naturally, the ensuing Monday-morning quarterbacking was intense: the coaching was flawed; the forwards were unable to “finish;” Sweden’s goalie played a super-human game; penalty shootouts are unpredictable. And so on and so on.

Even Ann contributed her two-cents worth after the match when she texted the following to our kids :

Before moving on, I should mention that in AnnD’s Corner today Ann copes with another high-profile disappointment that is not about women’s attire and is even hotter news than the women’s soccer loss. Be sure to check it out.

Getting back to soccer, while Ann makes an excellent point in her text message, in my opinion the pundits (and Ann) have overlooked another possible explanation for the USWNT’s problems.  It has to do with the team’s name. Or, I should say, the team’s lack of a fitting name.

I feel well qualified to comment on this based on my own experience with women’s soccer some 40 years ago in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Our daughter Sara played on an under-12 all-girls team named the Gators. When the coach announced that he would not be available the next season I volunteered to take the helm.

To this day I don’t know what possessed me. I had little knowledge of the sport and knew even less about how to deal with prepubescent girls. To get myself ready I checked out library books with tips for coaching youth soccer teams.

One of the first tips I came across was to be properly equipped.  So, I rounded up a bunch of used soccer balls for our drills and bought a set of bright orange pylons. From all I read, it was clear that no self-respecting coach of youth soccer would ever conduct a practice without bright orange pylons strategically placed on the field.

Of course, the well-equipped coach must have a whistle hanging from a lanyard around the neck.  How else would onlookers or even the players be able identify the coach from among the parents hysterically yelling from the sidelines?  

But most important, a team should have a meaningful name. A name that inspires the players and gives them a sense of solidarity. As Asli Pelit of Sportico.com recently wrote, soccer team nicknames should “capture the essence of a team’s spirit and identity.”

I felt that “Gators” was such a clichéd name for a Louisiana team that it could have had little meaning to the girls. A more creative name was needed to capture the team’s spirit and identity. Clearly, I’m no onomastician (a person who formally studies names and naming), but I thought that at the least I knew a good name from a bad one. So I decided to change the team’s name to The Sparklers. Turns out I was wrong.

On the day the team uniforms arrived with “Sparklers” emblazoned on them I discovered just how wrong I was. I thought Sara would be impressed, but instead she informed me that the girls thought that Sparklers was a dumb name. She wanted to know why they couldn’t be called something cool. And what was wrong with the Gators? (I can’t help but mention how ironic it was that this same girl would later choose to attend a university where the sports teams were named The Banana Slugs).

I don’t recall why I chose that team name, but I do recall that the girls had less than a stellar season. In fact, I ‘m not sure if the team ever scored. I texted Sara the other day to ask if she remembered the Sparklers scoring any goals, let alone winning a match during the season. She replied, “Got no idea! I just remember we played the Blue Flame.”

I have often wondered if the Sparklers would have done better if I had selected a more appropriate team name. So while writing this blog I decided to see if I could find some names of girls’ soccer teams that may have resonated with the team.

I was taken aback at the number of girls’ soccer team names one can find on the web. One site, Breakawawfashions.com, offered 210 suggestions for names. I was interested to see that “Sparklers” appeared on that list.

But what names might have captured the essence of the team’s spirit and identity? On the one hand there are names that speak to the softer, kinder side of a team – Angels, Awesome Blossoms, Bubbles, Daisies, Duckies, Lady Bugs, Power Puffs, Sweethearts. And the other hand, I found names that could personify the aggressive, sharp-edged side of the team – Crushers, Fury, Wolves, Blasters, Storm, Flame Throwers, Sharks, Explosion.

My favorite, which was listed by customink.com as one the “Top 10 Women’s/Girl’s Team Names,” was Victorious Secret. I’m pretty sure that this would have more than captured the spirit of the team but it surly would not have been viewed favorably by the parents. [Editor’s note: as an interesting aside, this team-name pun is not too far-fetched as reported in this NY Times piece about soccer star Megan Rapinoe’s connection to Victoria’s Secret.]

This brings me back to the possible reason for the U.S. team’s failure to advance in the World Cup. It seems to me that being burdened with a name like USWNT would drag any team down. Can you imagine the fans in the stadium chanting GO USWNT! What kind of mascot could be emblazoned on the team bus? You get my drift.

So it may not have been a coincidence that all of the eight teams that made it to the quarter-finals had names:

The Matildas, the Lionesses, the Blågult, and La Roja made it to the semifinals. These names surely must have inspired the players and given them a sense of solidarity. It remains to be seen which name carries its team to win it all. Which name do you pick to win? Be sure to watch the final this Sunday, August 20 – 3 A.M. Pacific Time.

And as for today’s recipe, I thought it only fitting to offer up a celebratory drink with a sure-fire name: Andy’s Strawberry Sparkler.

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