Forget Independence

The Washington Post recently ran an article entitled “Forget Independence. Teach your kids this instead.” I may be beyond the child-rearing age, but I was still curious what parents should be teaching. And the answer? Parents should be teaching “interdependence — that is, how to rely on others and how to be a person whom others can rely on, too.”

It seems that’s a good reminder for us older folks too. We all need friends we can rely on – and, in turn, have to be sure we’re “there” for our friends when they need us. When I think of Katie, my very-special 93-year-old friend in Baton Rouge, I think of the vast network of friends who are there for her; they’ll take her to the doctor; they’ll bring her meals; they’ll chat with her in person and on the phone – and that’s allowed her to live alone for over 24 years. And – importantly – Katie is willing to ask for help when she needs it, admitting that we can’t always be independent. In turn, Katie’s combined wit and sage advice have more than once lifted my spirits and benefited me, as I’m sure they have her many other dear friends.

I just sent Katie an article that David Brooks wrote for The Atlantic: “How America Got Mean”. The next time Katie and I visit, I want to discuss this quote from Brooks’ essay: “We inhabit a society in which people are no longer trained in how to treat others with kindness and consideration.”

Coming right on top of the thoughtful and thought-provoking Brooks’ article, I was with a friend who, like I, was a former 4H-er. And we laughed as we recited the pledge together:

Brooks would argue that organizations such as 4-H helped ingrain in us a sense of morality that is lacking today. I think his essay is a must read – as we all try to understand what’s happening – and what needs to happen in today’s world. For example, I wasn’t familiar with the term Bildung, a Northern European educational emphasis which began in the mid-19th century. Schools in the Bildung tradition “aimed to clarify the individual’s responsibilities to the wider world—family, friends, nation, humanity. Start with the soul and move outward.” What a lovely thought. And how sad that nothing like that is taught today.

But, as I just learned, there is still an active Bildung organization, hoping that as “the plague of 1348 paved the way for the Renaissance in Europe, the…pandemic could, if we so choose, be the door to a Renaissance 2.0.” Check out the founders’ website.

And, yes, it’s easy to connect this all to food. Food can be a wonderful way to reach out to others. Maybe by sharing a recipe you love – or by making and sharing a dish when someone needs a little uplifting. My very-giving neighbor Deb shared this recipe and these thoughts with me:

There is nothing like an excellent recipe from a dear friend.  Each time you
use it with its notes, comments, and splotches, they are in your thoughts,
and you also have this wonderful culinary delight you will be creating.  The
goodness just keeps going around and around!

I have to conclude this with a song. And alert you that today’s Andy’s Corner is also about songs…sad songs but songs that somehow lift our spirits.

When I was a teenager every family get-together concluded with my dad and granddad (“Pop Hill”) expecting me to play the home organ for them while they sang “Whispering Hope.” I’ve struggled to find an online rendition which sounded liked theirs – but finally did. It’s Gordon McCrae and Jo Staffords’s version, originally recorded in 1949. It’s a message of hope.

So here’s hoping we all learn to both ask for help and offer help. Here’s hoping we experience the joy of giving. And here’s hoping we try our darnedest to treat others with kindness and consideration.