I figure that if Ann can write about poetry in today’s blog, so can I. Indeed, my inspiration for today’s Andy’s Corner is from a poem by Naomi Shihab Nye entitled Lying While Birding
Lying While Birding
Yes Yes
I see it
so they won’t keep telling you
where it is
Despite having a birding excursion or two under my belt, it was the lying bit in the poem that caught my attention. I love the poem’s simple and nonchalant untruth (“Yes Yes I see it”) followed by a succinct, no-nonsense justification (“so they won’t keep telling you where it is”). What excites me about this is that it illustrates a basic sociological fact – to be well-adjusted socially we need to know how (and when) to lie.
Unfortunately, lying has been getting a lot of negative press lately. In our current political climate of “fake news” and politically spun facts, antisocial lies (which are untruths told strictly for one’s own personal gain) are making headlines. As a case in point, the Washington Post recently reported that a certain president (who will remain unnamed) “had accumulated 30,573 untruths during his presidency — averaging about 21 erroneous claims a day.”
Although that’s an impressive accomplishment by any standard, there’s another kind of lying that gets very little press despite being essential for our everyday social lives. I’m referring to what researchers label “prosocial lying.” These are falsehoods told for someone else’s benefit and are what keep social relationships humming along smoothly.
I’m fine, thank you.
It’s so good to see you.
What a cute baby!
I just adore how you decorated your house.
Your lasagna is yummy – you’ll have to give me the recipe.
Why do we engage in such deception? Research suggests that there are a number of reasons:
People may lie to others for various prosocial purposes, ranging from being polite, protecting someone’s feelings, avoiding interpersonal conflicts, to increasing group cohesion.
Learning the tricks of the trade in prosocial lying starts early according to a study entitled Developmental profiles of children’s spontaneous lie-telling behavior:
…children develop the ability to lie at about age three. … From ages seven to eleven, they begin to reliably lie to protect other people or to make them feel better—and they’ll start to consider prosocial lies to be justified … The research to date suggests that they are motivated by strong feelings of empathy and compassion.
[Editor’s Note: Is this reason to be optimistic about the future? Today’s world could sure use these strong feelings of empathy and compassion!]
I can’t end this blog without considering prosocial lying at the dinner table (this is a food blog after all). I was delighted to find on the National Institute of Health website some serious research regarding this very topic. Researchers asked 445 participants to choose between “telling the blatant truth or lying prosocially” regarding a food dish that was poorly made by a stranger:
The results showed that participants were most eager to pass on overly positive feedback when the stranger cared about cooking and was very sensitive to negative feedback.
At the risk of being obvious, I would like to remind you that I like to cook, am quite sensitive to negative feedback, and will accept any and all prosocial lies in this regard; no questions asked. In addition, I would like to remind you that at the bottom of this page you will find a form where you can leave comments about today’s Andy’s Corner.
Happy prevaricating!
Always good to see a “sociological fact”! Well, honestly, no kidding, truthfully, I really mean it …. I recall with great fondness all of our family 4ths. I remember especially your hand churned ice cream! Happy 4th!!
Ann and I were just reminiscing about the yukking-it-up days with the Falks and how much we miss those times. And I’m not prevaricating!
So, no matter what I say at this point as a compliment to the Deserans, it will be read with disdain and efforts to find where I am trying to undermine their friendliness! Given the sociological line of thought running through this thread, I would like to call upon the spirit of Goffman – to make a lie stick, you’ve got to believe in your performance. This is why a certain President, not to be named, is so good at it – that person absolutely beliefs in their own performance.
Thanks for the comment (I say this even though you saw through my veiled plea for praise). Be assured that Goffman was on my mind when I wrote this.
Nice! Very good sociology as well.
We invited friends to our casa for “burger night”. I’m quite practiced and capable when it comes to juicy-just-cooked and flavorful burgers. I’ll never again invite others for anything that allows them to express preferences regarding doneness or other characteristics. I’ll prepare things that are served one way: done. Like pork tenderloin or scallops from the grill or crock-pot chili. “I want mine dry!” “Mine must be well-done.” and so on. I wanted to chuck the whole terrible batch in the trash. To make it worse, they fiddle-farted around with condiments so long that the burgers had cooled to almost room temperature before being eaten. The whole mess was ruined and yet folks exclaimed over the quality and flavor.
Maybe you should look at the experience as testimony to your amazing chef-manship – You’re so good that even what you would consider a ruined mess can be tasty to others. On the other hand, it is more likely that prosocial lying was at hand.
Great burgers? Enough ground beef (85% or so) to make 6-ounce burgers for all. Use a spatula to cut the lump of meat into chunks and then add salt (some), pepper (some), bread crumbs (enough), Worcester sauce (plenty). Quickly mix with clean-bare fingers and divide. Form into individual patties, and press down one side to make a large-diameter indent on one side. We use a burger press to compress the patty so it coheres while grilling, then press down as needed to make it the desired thickness and diameter. Oil both sides with virgin oil and grill at medium (my gas grill takes 4-minutes per side in cool weather, and a total of 7-minutes in warm weather). Serve immediately on toasted buns.
Thanks for sharing your burger recipe and instructions. We’ll have to give the bread crumbs and Worcester a whirl. Our secret to a good burger is our neighbors home-made pickles. Good to have neighbors like that.